3.12.2012

Risky Business....


Do your journal?

I am, by nature, kind of a journal-er...I have some of my very first journals from when I was 
pretty young and I have tried to save each journal I complete...though a couple have been accidentally thrown out/misplaced. Some of my deepest thoughts/struggles/emotions are in between the pages of my journals...
Everything just seems so much clearer to me there...on paper.

I got a new journal when we first moved...about a year ago... I felt like it would be a perfect
time for a fresh start and a fresh book to put all the many changes that would be taking place.
Yesterday, I was scrolling through it and noticed the quote that I had written on the inside cover...
I had totally forgotten about it until then, but I remember writing it because I new it was really
what I needed to focus on at the moment...and then, last night, looking at the words I realized I still need 
to remember them.
Here's the quote:

***
" and the trouble is, if you don't risk anything, your risk even more."
                                         - Erica Jong
***
 
 Do you find yourself in that place too?
The place of not risking....holding back?
I cannot tell you, unfortunately, how this fear of failure cripples me sometimes....
I would love to say differently.
You have no idea.
I wish I could present myself to you all as "put together" and confident...
full of direction, focused.
But that would be totally false...
I have my moments, don't get me wrong...but I kind of teeter on the side of 
"can I really do this? what if I mess up? no one will like this stuff will they?

yes. that is me.
 I risk so much by just sitting down. in fear. in doubt. 
just sitting.
waiting.
for what?
confidence?
someone to do it for me?
strength?
Maybe a little of all.

I'm not sorry if this comes of pretty raw... that's what it is.
real.
Reminds me of the times in school when the professor tells you to ask questions
because, chances are, someone has the same question.

Well, maybe someone else out there feels the same way I do.
What are you not risking?
What are you afraid of?

I'm not saying we can change it all overnight... 
I am saying that we can try.

What am I going to say to my kids if they find themselves in the same place?
How can I show them that risk includes fear...and it's important to acknowledge and embrace it
but not let it hold you back?
I have to just do it.
I have to ..........
Lead by Example.

this fear thing? It's kind of a sickness...it can take over your whole life...
don't let it.


"For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline."
                                                                                                                    2 Timothy 1:7

I don't know about you...but I'm pretty tired of being controlled by my fear.
I'm diving in....who's with me?



* at the time, I thought the quote was written by someone else, but after I looked it up, it turned out to be from Erica Jong
 ( that's why the pic quotes a dif. author) 


3 comments:

Alicia said...

i love this so much! fear is so crippling and i LOVE that scripture in timothy. have you ever done the beth moore study on esther? she writes a lot about fear and it makes so much sense. this is good stuff, my friend.
fear not today!

Cassie @ WittyTitleHere.com said...

I am absolutely with you! It's easier said than done, but the only thing standing in our way is our fears. It's about making a choice. If you have a dream, you pursue it. Don't agonize over it-- do it.

Lisa said...

I am absolutely controlled by fear in so many areas of my life. Thank you for this wonderful and timely post. I have written the verse down and will use it to help remind me to be strong, not fearful..with God's help.