The Sobering Thoughts

...I was watching my kids as they napped
just minutes ago...
Struck by my sheer mortality &

the idea that I should be
more than thankful that I can watch them
just like that.

I've been struck by that feeling before.
Almost 2 years ago,
when my husband (the Mr.) was almost
taken away from us.
Laying in his hospital bed,
I watched him.
Looking down at my 8 month pregnant self
and thanking God
that I could sit there
with him.
That in his last breathe, if it be
in that hospital, he could
reach out and touch his unborn little boy
and me.
Thankfulness again, when he was
given back to us; strong.
and I watched as he made his
way out of that
hospital room.

Again, last year, when my grandmother was
preparing to meet her Savior.
I stood at her bedside, and though
I was heartbroken, I was
struck with thankfulness
that I got to here her say,
"I love you," one last time.

Again, and again and again...

Ever growing,
ever learning
reaching new lengths,
needing provision,
as that of a seed...
steady forming its way into a flower

Looking in on their rooms,
reminded me again.
I am here with them.
I can nurture them.
protect them.
They know me as their mother.
...and if my time on earth is
abruptly cut short...
I am thankful.
That I have had all these memories...
these sweet special moments.
these moments of growth.
of struggle too.
That I have had more hugs and
kisses than I could ever count.
that I have heard them call me
that all this has been gifted to me.

Do any of you feel this way ever? Mortality is such a sobering thing isn't it?
Hug someone you love today....and tell them you love them!

ps my bloggy pal Carissa from lowercase letters wrote the sweetest post about how we met, meeting bloggers in real life...and even a little about my home (from one of our play dates together!) Go and check her blog out....it's all kinds of adorable!


Tiffany said...

Thank you for the reminder to love our families with all we have! And to enjoy the here and now with them. =)

New fan from Carissa's....

LeahJo said...

I love how you can look at the other side of mortality. When I think of that, I tend to get pretty sad at the thought of leaving my babes behind. I do need to look at the brighter side of being thankful for the time the Lord gives me here with them.

new follower from Carissa's blog.

carissa at lowercase letters said...

yes, yes, yes. this is so very true. beautiful words and gorgeous pictures. hugs!

Lea also known as "CiCi" said...

Elena, I'm visiting from Carissa's blog and what a beautiful entry that made my heart smile. I have no problem seeing how you and Carissa formed such a friendship right away. You two are so much alike with such beautiful writings and such creativity. I will definitely be returning and am your newest follower. Blessings to you!

Nessa Bixler said...

Sometimes these thought break me out in a cold sweat... the mortality. Possibility of not being there, not seeing, not sharing. This is beautiful... a lovely look at being thankful and blessed for what we have. I your words so much.

Ashley {hudson's happenings} said...

What a wonderful writer you are! You sucked me right into your beautiful blog with this amazing post. I, too, find myself thing these thoughts as well. Thoughts about mortality creep their way into my brain almost daily...and almost daily I find myself anxious and afraid and thankful all at once. Thank you for sharing your beautiful words.

Anonymous said...

This is beautiful! I'm a mother of two and I know exactly what you speak of...those moments when it seems time stands still and your heart stops. Aside from all the noise of life, those moments wrap us in a blanket of simplicity and reveal what really matters. Blessings to you, Anna

hannah singer said...

hello, elena! this post echoes my heart, thanks!
so glad carissa shared you, love it here!

happy thursday xo

Danielle said...

such an amazing post. i need this, today. thank you.

Anna said...

Tear wetting and beautiful. You have such a remarkable strength and view on the struggles in life, I can only look up to you. But when you think of it, what else to do in these situations?

Sarah said...

I totally agree. There is only a thin veil that separates our life from eternity and it makes me thankful for the time we have here. Thankful and there's a feeling of responsibility to make every minute with our little ones count for eternity... pointing them to our Savior! :) Thanks for the reminder! Just found you via Alicia's blog.

Claudia Almandoz Gerbolini said...

i admire you.
loss is painful, the idea of it makes my head spin. Maybe I´ve just been too close with my little boy too young. I love reading this. It reminds me I have to keep working at coming to peace with delicate mortality.
love ya

The Mr. said...

This post took me quite a while to make it through without tearing up both inside and outside. The last few years have been extremely rough and I want you to know how incredibly proud I am of you throughout it all. Your strength when I was in the hospital, when they took our kid from the room and wouldn't allow him back in, saying the good-byes to all the family, I was broken. It is by your strength and Gods that I walked out of that hospital, not mine. Your caring for you grandmother and your empathy for everyone else when you were hurting deeply yourself, your strength to cope when I did not understand how to help you as your husband, much less a friend. With our kids, the amount of love you show them amazes me every day. Always patient, always caring, always Mommy. I can't tell you how continually amazed I am with you and how much I cherish every moment with you, good or bad. With all my heart HB.